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Don't keep your customers waiting!" A woman stuck her head into a hair salon and asked, "How long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around the salon full of customers and said, "about 2 hours.' The woman left. A few days later, the same woman stuck her head in the door and asked, ' how long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around at the salon and said," about 3 hours.' The woman left. A week later, the same woman stuck her head in the salon and asked, ' How long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around the salon and said, "about a hour and a half.' The woman left. The beautician turned to her girlfriend and said, "Hey Juanita, do me a favor. Follow that woman and see where she goes. She keeps asking how long she has to wait for a wash & curl, but then she doesn't ever come back.' A little while later, Juanita returned to the salon, laughing hysterically. The beautician asked, 'So, where does that woman go when she leaves?' Juanita looked up, wiped the tears from her eyes and said, 'Your man's house!'

THE COWBOY WITHOUT A HORSE

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back!

He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

"I had to walk home."

 A farmer and his wife
were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Farmer's Weekly. He looks up from the page and says to her, 'Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?'

She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, 'Oh yeah? Prove it.'

He frowns for a moment, then says, 'Okay.' He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, 'Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig's always squealing, how can I tell?

A joke. no offence intended!?

An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder again, & tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out am I to count you as a believer"?
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bount
Don't keep your customers waiting!" A woman stuck her head into a hair salon and asked, "How long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around the salon full of customers and said, "about 2 hours.' The woman left. A few days later, the same woman stuck her head in the door and asked, ' how long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around at the salon and said," about 3 hours.' The woman left. A week later, the same woman stuck her head in the salon and asked, ' How long before I can get a wash & curl?' The beautician looked around the salon and said, "about a hour and a half.' The woman left. The beautician turned to her girlfriend and said, "Hey Juanita, do me a favor. Follow that woman and see where she goes. She keeps asking how long she has to wait for a wash & curl, but then she doesn't ever come back.' A little while later, Juanita returned to the salon, laughing hysterically. The beautician asked, 'So, where does that woman go when she leaves?' Juanita looked up, wiped the tears from her eyes and said, 'Your man's house!' THE COWBOY WITHOUT A HORSE A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" "I had to walk home." A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Farmer's Weekly. He looks up from the page and says to her, 'Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?' She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, 'Oh yeah? Prove it.' He frowns for a moment, then says, 'Okay.' He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, 'Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig's always squealing, how can I tell? A joke. no offence intended!? An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder again, & tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out am I to count you as a believer"? The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"? "Very Well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bount